Insufficiently able simultaneously to smash up a restaurant, roger a small mammal and recite all 15 books of Ovid's Metamorphoses? Idiot.
Instead why not enter our competition? Win prizes* by simply completing the following sentence:
I would have got into the Bullingdon Club but......
*Notional.
Previous entries:
ReplyDeleteI would have got into the Bullingdon Club but......
CALUM: They realised I would outdo them. Such a shame chaps.
CHRISTINA: Girl, Northern, too clever by half, Direct Grant (rhymes with 'pant'), dad in the boilermakers, Polish family, brother on the miners' picket lines? Are you JOKING?
ALEC...then they realized I enjoyed being hung upside down and having my head bashed against the ground whilst chanting "I am a despicable little ****".
NICK.....then I foolishly revealed my background in "trade".
ROGER: I was in until they found out one of my uncles had a coal fire.
ELIZABETH: I was stopped at the door for being a 'bloody Paddy'.
DONNA: They were going to let me in... then they remembered thier 'boys only' policy. Darn this luscious rack of mine.
PETER: fluffed it when I realised I'd left the crib card in the back pocket of my trousers...
Callipygian: I was all set to be a member but that thing with the bucket of soapy frogs,the complete works of Hayek and the skin of a guatemalan street urchin put me right off.
NICK: It was the business with goat and the Swarfega that did for me.
I was too busy at The Unthank Supper Club.The only honest and least amusing answer here.
ReplyDeleteSimon: Buggering my gentleman's gentleman while tasting minted saddle of lamb with laverbread sauce and discussing with Boris the finer points of governing appeared to be too much for me. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteI would have got into the Bullingdon Club but like they done said I wasn't posh or summink and I was like 'no way' and they was like 'yeah you chav and I was like 'get out!' and they was like 'actually my father just so happens to own this quaint little patch of land so I rather fancy that it's you who should be getting out, you execrable oik' and so I like stabbed them and they wouldn't talk to me no more after that and I was like whatever. I'm SO over it.
ReplyDeleteDaddy whupped Brady at badminton and Biffy got all forlorn so Shandy and Dupsy and Nonce-pants threw a great big girly bash for us all - you know one of those ones with the shit all over the walls - and that about put paid to it, what!
ReplyDeletemy weak eyebrows prevent me from being sufficiently supercilious
ReplyDeletemy tits aren't big enough!
ReplyDelete...our estate was owned by the local council.
ReplyDeleteHola D! Pervert.
ReplyDeleteNot enough of a jowly fucker, chin not jutting enough, not called Piers or Miles or Giles, not self-satisfied enough, too hungry.
ReplyDeleteThe portal wasn't wide enough - or long enough - to take Mohand and Abdenour, the Berber boys who bore me aloft on a swing of Spanish leather, softly scented with hyssop.
ReplyDelete